 “Something must be wrong with me.”
“I’m just not lovable.” "If I were better, he would have stayed.” Do these thoughts sound familiar? These are the common thoughts of girls who were abandoned by their fathers. These girls grow into women. The thoughts are still there. Now, the thoughts are about the partners and friends who have abandoned them. Girl, let me just tell you, these thoughts are LIES. Your father’s choice to leave had everything to do with him, and nothing to do with you or your worth. Along with these thoughts come a rollercoaster of emotions:
I get it. Your self-esteem also took a hit, and that is understandable. But Girl, it’s time to rebuild.
Healing isn’t linear and that’s okay. Some days will be tougher than others. Remember that you are resilient, strong and worthy of love, especially your own. Your father’s absence created a void that can only be filled by self-love, supportive relationships and personal growth. You have the power to rewrite your story, with or without your father in your life. If you are struggling with the pain of abandonment, know that therapy is a phone call or email away. Let's start this healing journey together. I have therapy spots available and I'd be honored to support you. It's never too late to start loving you, no matter who has left you. Reach out to 510-250-3091 or [email protected].
0 Comments
 Hey Sis! It’s been a whirlwind two weeks! I’m a huge Olympics fan! I’m bummed it is over. Now what am I going to do for the next four years?
During the Olympics we saw some incredible highs and heartbreaking lows. From my girls Sha’Carri Richardson and Simone Biles slaying their comebacks, to Jordan Chiles losing her medal over a missed deadline, and the men's 4x100 baton mishap – it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. These moments of success and disappointment are not just for elite athletes.You face your own Olympics on a daily basis. You bombed a job interview or presentation, failed a college exam, or a relationship setback, can be disappointing. How do you bounce back from something you put your blood, sweat and tears into? Here are 5 tips to help you move past disappointment and rediscover your inner Queen. Girl, Feel Your Feelings It’s okay to be upset, angry, or sad. You didn't get your promotion, allow yourself to feel your emotions. Cry your heart out. You know that snotty cry? Yes, that one. Try listening to some music. I have both “angry” and “sad” playlists on Spotify. When I'm pissed, I put on the angry playlist and punch my pillow. Let your feelings out. Keeping them in won’t help you in the long-term. Sis, Let’s Reframe Your Story Now that you let out your feelings, what are you telling yourself? “I’m a failure”, “I suck at this”, or “I’m never gonna find love”. How about “I’m learning.” “I get to work on areas of growth”, or “I will date so I can find the best relationship for me.” What lessons can you learn from your experiences? Self-Care Is Not Selfish Yes, honey, you heard me. Self-care is not selfish and don’t let anyone tell you it is. You saw how our girl Simone Biles tapped out of the 2020 Olympics to take care of your mental health. Why can’t you take care of yourself for an hour, a day, or a week in order to take care of your mental health? Whatever you need to do to get back on track, get it done. A bubble bath, reading a book by the beach or at the park, a solo trip or therapy. Figure out how to refill your cup. Set Some New Goals Sis Maybe your dating profile needs a revamp. Maybe it’s time to hire a career coach instead of sitting on LinkedIn waiting for recruiters to find you. Maybe practice your presentation skills in front of the mirror or a friend instead of winging it. Sis, don’t give up, just pivot. Find Your Sister Circle Your cheerleaders. You biggest fans. Just like Olympians have their coaches and teammates, you need your support system. Reach out to your ride-or-dies when self-doubt starts to creep in. Sometimes we need someone else to hold up the mirror so we can see our beautiful reflection to show us our true reflection. Girl, you got this. Disappointment is a part of life. You’ve got the strength, resilience and fire within you to overcome any obstacle. If Sha’Carri and Simone can bounce back, so can you. I pray Jordan has a sister circle surrounding her so she can bounce back too. If you're finding it hard to bounce back from disappointment, remember you don't have to go it alone. If you need someone to talk to, to help you cope with your emotions, set new goals, and learning to practice self-care, I've got you. I have therapy slots available, and I'd be honored to support you. Reach out to me at 510-250-3091 or [email protected].  Girl, let's talk about something that's been on my mind while I'm glued to the Olympics this past few days. You know what I'm seeing? Pure magic. But it's not just about the medals – it's about the power of self-love and
self-trust. As a kid, I remember watching the Olympics and being in awe of Olympic athletes. They always looked so confident, so self-assured. Well, Sis, let me tell you – that self-trust is everything. Take Simone Biles, for example. Back in the 2020 Olympics, she shocked the world by stepping back due to the "twisties." But you know what? That was self-love in action. She trusted her body and mind enough to say, "Not today." We've got to applaud that. Then there's Sha'Carri Richardson. Remember how she didn't qualify for the 2020 Olympics after being suspended for cannabis use? She admitted struggling after her mother died. Girl, grief is hard, and we all find different ways to cope with that pain. But look at her now in 2024! She got the help she needed, trusted the process, and came back stronger than ever. Her words? "I am not back, I am better." Now that's a motto we can all live by! These women remind us that self-trust isn't just for Olympic athletes. It's for all of us. It's about listening to your body when it needs rest. It's about admitting when you need help and not being ashamed to get it. It's about picking yourself up after a setback and believing you can do better. So, my beautiful sisters, as we watch these incredible athletes over the next two weeks, let's remember to apply that Olympic-level self-love and self-trust to our own lives. Trust your gut, honor your needs, and never, ever give up on yourself. You might not be competing for a gold medal, but you're navigating life every day. And that, Sis, is its own kind of Olympics. So stand tall, trust yourself, and go for your personal gold. You've got this! Sis, I know we all struggle with self-doubt sometimes. If you're finding it hard to tap into that self-love and self-trust we've been talking about, remember you don't have to go it alone. If you need someone to talk to, to help you find your inner champion, I've got you. I have therapy slots available, and I'd be honored to support you on your journey to self-love. Because you deserve to shine just as bright as any Olympian – in your own unique way.  Hey there, beautiful! Girl, I know we're deep into summer already, but let's be real – there's still plenty of time for those last-minute trips and weekend getaways. And if you're anything like me, travel can sometimes feel more stressful than relaxing. So, honey, let me share some wisdom I've picked up along the way. Recently, I found myself driving solo with my daughter to her soccer tournament some two hours away. Long drives without my hubby, stress me out. Usually my anxiety is through the roof! I'm talking sky-high stress levels, irritability, and yes, even some regrettable yelling. But sis, I'm tired of that old routine. It doesn't do anyone any good, least of all me and my relationships. So, I've put together five tips that have been game-changers for me. Let's dive in! Start Packing Early Listen, honey, there's nothing worse than that last-minute panic when you're trying to remember if you packed your favorite sundress or your kid's soccer cleats. Do yourself a favor and start packing early. Make a list, check it twice, and pack a little each day leading up to your trip. Trust me, your future self will thank you! I started packing Monday for the Friday trip, and it was worth it. Know Where You're Going Girl, the night before your trip, pull up Google Maps and familiarize yourself with your route. Check for any potential traffic hotspots or construction zones. And here's a pro tip: look up a couple of alternative routes too. Having a Plan B (and even a Plan C) can be a real lifesaver if you hit unexpected road bumps. Playlist Power Sis, never underestimate the power of good tunes or a gripping audiobook to keep you calm and entertained on the road. I listened to Kerry Washington's "Thicker than Water" during the long drive, and let me tell you, it was a game-changer! Find something that speaks to your soul and let it soothe those travel jitters. Snack it Up! You know what they say – a hangry traveler is a stressed traveler! Pack plenty of snacks and water for the journey. Not only will this keep your energy up, but staying hydrated can also help cool you down if the summer heat starts getting to you. Remember, a well-fed mama is a happy mama! Enjoy the Journey Honey, at the end of the day, life is too short to spend it stressed out. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe. Step away for a quick bathroom break, take a short walk, or even a brief drive to clear your head. Ask yourself, "Is this really my issue? Am I stressing over something I can control?" Sometimes, a little perspective can work wonders. Bonus Tip: Prepare for the Unexpected Let me share a little story with you. At my daughter's recent tournament, her 8:30 p.m. game got delayed and didn't end until 10:30 p.m.! There I was, scrambling to find food at 11:00 p.m.. I ended up eating a burger at 11:00 p.m., which did not sit well with my stomach at all. Learn from my mistake, Sis – always have some emergency snacks on hand! Remember, travel should be an adventure, not a source of constant stress. By implementing these tips, you can turn those anxiety-inducing trips into opportunities for joy and connection. So pack those bags, crank up that playlist, and hit the road with confidence. You've got this, mama! Now, tell me in the comments: What's your go-to travel stress buster? Let's share some wisdom and support each other! Sis, I see you. If all this talk about stress and anxiety is hitting a little too close to home, remember that it's okay to ask for help. Sometimes, our travel stress is just the tip of the iceberg, and there might be deeper stuff we need to work through. If you're feeling overwhelmed, not just with travel but with life in general, it might be time to consider therapy. Girl, there's no shame in taking care of your mental health – in fact, it's one of the bravest things you can do. Ready to take that step? I've got your back. Click the button below to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me. Let's chat about how therapy can help you navigate not just your summer travels, but all of life's journeys. Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Together, we can work on strategies to manage stress, anxiety, and whatever else life throws your way. You deserve peace, Sis – both on your travels and in your everyday life. Peace and Self-Love, Mpho  This post was originally published on June 15, 2019 and updated on June 15, 2024.
Happy Father’s Day. Today is a day to celebrate and honor fathers and father figures and all they have done for us. However, in many cases, fathers have left the family, and their daughters do not feel like celebrating or honoring them. I work with women everyday who were abandoned by their fathers during childhood. Their fathers abandonment set the stage for the way they see themselves and others. Their father leaving during childhood caused them to feel unlovable, not good enough, inadequate and disposable. Since they feel unlovable, they try to find love and self-worth in all the wrong places, especially romantic partners. Many come to me feeling angry, resentful, disappointed and hurt by their father’s actions. I decided to write this letter to all the dads who left their daughters behind. This letter is not about dad-bashing. It is the story I have heard from so many daughters over the years. The heartache and pain they endured wishing their father was in their lives. All the things they’ve wanted to say but can’t due to the circumstances. This is their voice. Their opportunity for healing. Dear Dad, How are you? It's been awhile. Or for some of us, it's never been. We are women now. You've missed a lot. You missed so many important moments in our lives. Where do we start? Our birth? When you found out mom was pregnant, you couldn’t handle it. You didn't know what to do. You may have been too young. You may not have had a father figure, so you didn't know how to be a father. Who knows. Some of you stayed in the picture a little longer. You stayed a few years after I was born. At first, things were great. You and mom got along. Maybe you thought having me would help. Maybe you thought sticking it out would help. Things got tough. You began to fight with mom. You may have lost your job. You may have had a great job, perhaps the stressors of home got to you. We will never know. What we do know is what you missed when you walked out that door. You missed the numerous first days of school. You missed Back to School nights and Open Houses. You missed Girl Scouts, sports, dance recitals, holidays, summers, vacations, first dates, graduations and college acceptance letters. You missed romantic relationships, weddings, birth of your grandchild, job promotions, etc. The fun and exciting stuff. You also missed the not-so-exciting stuff. When you left and didn't pay child support, we had to move out of our home and collect financial assistance. We had to shop at Goodwill because mom could not afford clothing. We had to grow up fast. We had to take care of our younger siblings. We had to be emotional support for our mothers. Whatever childhood we had, was gone. We had to listen to mom cry herself to sleep. We saw her date men who were not good to her, or good to us. We needed to start working at 16 because money was a little tight. Sometimes we missed out on parties and school events to work because we needed to make sure the lights stayed on and food was on the table. We started looking for attention outside the home. We wanted love and affection that we did not get from you, so we started looking in other places. Friends, partners, drugs/alcohol, crime, teen pregnancy or food. Many times we found it in men. To be honest, the men did not treat us well at all. However, we didn’t care. It was a man. It was someone that held us (sometimes), was by our side (sometimes), called us (sometimes), told us they loved us (sometimes), married us, or had a child with us. We didn’t care, we just wanted someone to be there and tell us they loved us because you weren’t there. Although their love was sporadic and contingent, at least it was there. We can honestly say your leaving really affected our self-esteem and self-worth. We don’t feel good about ourselves at all. We don’t feel that we are good enough for any man, partner, friend, or career. We don’t feel lovable. We feel like a disappointment. We feel we don’t belong. When you left we felt so many negative feelings. We realize those feelings are still there. Anger, resentment, sadness, grief, shame, fear, guilt, doubt, and betrayal. We are trying to work through these feelings through therapy. We realize holding on to these feelings no longer serves us. They are causing us to hate ourselves. We love everyone else more than we love ourselves. We are ready to love ourselves. We are ready to look deep inside ourselves to see how our life has been affected by you leaving. We are not here to blame. We are women now. We cannot blame you because we stayed with partners that don’t treat us right. We cannot blame you for our lack of confidence in going for the job we want. Our childhood circumstances were not our fault. We were thrown into a situation that affected the way we looked at life and interacted with the world. We are ready to take responsibility for our choices in adulthood. We made the choices that reflected how we felt about ourselves. Our past does not have to define our future. We are beginning to realize: WE ARE ENOUGH! WE ARE LOVEABLE! WE BELONG! WE ARE SUCCESSFUL! We get to feel joy, peace, happiness, courage, confidence, acceptance, hopeful, love and trust. At this point, We no longer care why you left. We can no longer hold on to that story. We are ready to write a new story. If you would like to be in it, and if you would like to rewrite your own story, contact us. You had your own story and that is why you left. We get that now. We have learned it was never about us. You left not because there was something wrong with us, but it was something up with you. We see that now. Happy Father’s Day! Love Always, Your Daughters When I first published this blog, it resonated deeply with many women and men. Countless women identified with the letter and shared their ongoing struggles with the pain of their fathers' abandonment. Many fathers expressed regret for leaving their children and acknowledged the lasting impact of their absence. My hope is that this letter continues to foster conversation between fathers and daughters, paving the way for healing and reconciliation. Let's work together to create a shift towards understanding, forgiveness, and connection. Feel free to share this letter with a father you know who is no longer in touch with his daughter, however, he would like to be in contact with one day. Perhaps this letter will give him hope and motivate him to rewrite his story. Also share this letter with a woman who still has negative feelings towards her dad and she is ready to address her abandonment issues and low self-worth. At Peaceful Thoughts Therapy, I offer specialized support through my Healing the Father Wound therapy groups. These 8-week groups are designed for women who have experienced emotional and/or physical abandonment by their fathers. In a safe and supportive environment, we explore the impact of father abandonment, stages of grief, effects on self-esteem and relationships, and ways to manage fear and anxiety. Through connection and shared experiences, we work towards healing and self-empowerment. The cost is $300 and includes materials. Sessions are conducted virtually. If you're ready to begin your healing journey, please call me at (510) 250-3091 or email me at [email protected] to set up an appointment. Let’s start rewriting your story together. |
AuthorI am a therapist who helps loves motivating women to transform their inner voice of self-doubt and self-criticism into a powerful voice of positive self-talk, self-trust and self-love. I help individuals recognize their inner worth, build their self-esteem and speak their truth. Archives
September 2024
Categories |