![]() Hey there, beautiful! Girl, I know we're deep into summer already, but let's be real – there's still plenty of time for those last-minute trips and weekend getaways. And if you're anything like me, travel can sometimes feel more stressful than relaxing. So, honey, let me share some wisdom I've picked up along the way. Recently, I found myself driving solo with my daughter to her soccer tournament some two hours away. Long drives without my hubby, stress me out. Usually my anxiety is through the roof! I'm talking sky-high stress levels, irritability, and yes, even some regrettable yelling. But sis, I'm tired of that old routine. It doesn't do anyone any good, least of all me and my relationships. So, I've put together five tips that have been game-changers for me. Let's dive in! Start Packing Early Listen, honey, there's nothing worse than that last-minute panic when you're trying to remember if you packed your favorite sundress or your kid's soccer cleats. Do yourself a favor and start packing early. Make a list, check it twice, and pack a little each day leading up to your trip. Trust me, your future self will thank you! I started packing Monday for the Friday trip, and it was worth it. Know Where You're Going Girl, the night before your trip, pull up Google Maps and familiarize yourself with your route. Check for any potential traffic hotspots or construction zones. And here's a pro tip: look up a couple of alternative routes too. Having a Plan B (and even a Plan C) can be a real lifesaver if you hit unexpected road bumps. Playlist Power Sis, never underestimate the power of good tunes or a gripping audiobook to keep you calm and entertained on the road. I listened to Kerry Washington's "Thicker than Water" during the long drive, and let me tell you, it was a game-changer! Find something that speaks to your soul and let it soothe those travel jitters. Snack it Up! You know what they say – a hangry traveler is a stressed traveler! Pack plenty of snacks and water for the journey. Not only will this keep your energy up, but staying hydrated can also help cool you down if the summer heat starts getting to you. Remember, a well-fed mama is a happy mama! Enjoy the Journey Honey, at the end of the day, life is too short to spend it stressed out. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe. Step away for a quick bathroom break, take a short walk, or even a brief drive to clear your head. Ask yourself, "Is this really my issue? Am I stressing over something I can control?" Sometimes, a little perspective can work wonders. Bonus Tip: Prepare for the Unexpected Let me share a little story with you. At my daughter's recent tournament, her 8:30 p.m. game got delayed and didn't end until 10:30 p.m.! There I was, scrambling to find food at 11:00 p.m.. I ended up eating a burger at 11:00 p.m., which did not sit well with my stomach at all. Learn from my mistake, Sis – always have some emergency snacks on hand! Remember, travel should be an adventure, not a source of constant stress. By implementing these tips, you can turn those anxiety-inducing trips into opportunities for joy and connection. So pack those bags, crank up that playlist, and hit the road with confidence. You've got this, mama! Now, tell me in the comments: What's your go-to travel stress buster? Let's share some wisdom and support each other! Sis, I see you. If all this talk about stress and anxiety is hitting a little too close to home, remember that it's okay to ask for help. Sometimes, our travel stress is just the tip of the iceberg, and there might be deeper stuff we need to work through. If you're feeling overwhelmed, not just with travel but with life in general, it might be time to consider therapy. Girl, there's no shame in taking care of your mental health – in fact, it's one of the bravest things you can do. Ready to take that step? I've got your back. Click the button below to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me. Let's chat about how therapy can help you navigate not just your summer travels, but all of life's journeys. Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Together, we can work on strategies to manage stress, anxiety, and whatever else life throws your way. You deserve peace, Sis – both on your travels and in your everyday life. Peace and Self-Love, Mpho
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![]() This post was originally published on June 15, 2019 and updated on June 15, 2024.
Happy Father’s Day. Today is a day to celebrate and honor fathers and father figures and all they have done for us. However, in many cases, fathers have left the family, and their daughters do not feel like celebrating or honoring them. I work with women everyday who were abandoned by their fathers during childhood. Their fathers abandonment set the stage for the way they see themselves and others. Their father leaving during childhood caused them to feel unlovable, not good enough, inadequate and disposable. Since they feel unlovable, they try to find love and self-worth in all the wrong places, especially romantic partners. Many come to me feeling angry, resentful, disappointed and hurt by their father’s actions. I decided to write this letter to all the dads who left their daughters behind. This letter is not about dad-bashing. It is the story I have heard from so many daughters over the years. The heartache and pain they endured wishing their father was in their lives. All the things they’ve wanted to say but can’t due to the circumstances. This is their voice. Their opportunity for healing. Dear Dad, How are you? It's been awhile. Or for some of us, it's never been. We are women now. You've missed a lot. You missed so many important moments in our lives. Where do we start? Our birth? When you found out mom was pregnant, you couldn’t handle it. You didn't know what to do. You may have been too young. You may not have had a father figure, so you didn't know how to be a father. Who knows. Some of you stayed in the picture a little longer. You stayed a few years after I was born. At first, things were great. You and mom got along. Maybe you thought having me would help. Maybe you thought sticking it out would help. Things got tough. You began to fight with mom. You may have lost your job. You may have had a great job, perhaps the stressors of home got to you. We will never know. What we do know is what you missed when you walked out that door. You missed the numerous first days of school. You missed Back to School nights and Open Houses. You missed Girl Scouts, sports, dance recitals, holidays, summers, vacations, first dates, graduations and college acceptance letters. You missed romantic relationships, weddings, birth of your grandchild, job promotions, etc. The fun and exciting stuff. You also missed the not-so-exciting stuff. When you left and didn't pay child support, we had to move out of our home and collect financial assistance. We had to shop at Goodwill because mom could not afford clothing. We had to grow up fast. We had to take care of our younger siblings. We had to be emotional support for our mothers. Whatever childhood we had, was gone. We had to listen to mom cry herself to sleep. We saw her date men who were not good to her, or good to us. We needed to start working at 16 because money was a little tight. Sometimes we missed out on parties and school events to work because we needed to make sure the lights stayed on and food was on the table. We started looking for attention outside the home. We wanted love and affection that we did not get from you, so we started looking in other places. Friends, partners, drugs/alcohol, crime, teen pregnancy or food. Many times we found it in men. To be honest, the men did not treat us well at all. However, we didn’t care. It was a man. It was someone that held us (sometimes), was by our side (sometimes), called us (sometimes), told us they loved us (sometimes), married us, or had a child with us. We didn’t care, we just wanted someone to be there and tell us they loved us because you weren’t there. Although their love was sporadic and contingent, at least it was there. We can honestly say your leaving really affected our self-esteem and self-worth. We don’t feel good about ourselves at all. We don’t feel that we are good enough for any man, partner, friend, or career. We don’t feel lovable. We feel like a disappointment. We feel we don’t belong. When you left we felt so many negative feelings. We realize those feelings are still there. Anger, resentment, sadness, grief, shame, fear, guilt, doubt, and betrayal. We are trying to work through these feelings through therapy. We realize holding on to these feelings no longer serves us. They are causing us to hate ourselves. We love everyone else more than we love ourselves. We are ready to love ourselves. We are ready to look deep inside ourselves to see how our life has been affected by you leaving. We are not here to blame. We are women now. We cannot blame you because we stayed with partners that don’t treat us right. We cannot blame you for our lack of confidence in going for the job we want. Our childhood circumstances were not our fault. We were thrown into a situation that affected the way we looked at life and interacted with the world. We are ready to take responsibility for our choices in adulthood. We made the choices that reflected how we felt about ourselves. Our past does not have to define our future. We are beginning to realize: WE ARE ENOUGH! WE ARE LOVEABLE! WE BELONG! WE ARE SUCCESSFUL! We get to feel joy, peace, happiness, courage, confidence, acceptance, hopeful, love and trust. At this point, We no longer care why you left. We can no longer hold on to that story. We are ready to write a new story. If you would like to be in it, and if you would like to rewrite your own story, contact us. You had your own story and that is why you left. We get that now. We have learned it was never about us. You left not because there was something wrong with us, but it was something up with you. We see that now. Happy Father’s Day! Love Always, Your Daughters When I first published this blog, it resonated deeply with many women and men. Countless women identified with the letter and shared their ongoing struggles with the pain of their fathers' abandonment. Many fathers expressed regret for leaving their children and acknowledged the lasting impact of their absence. My hope is that this letter continues to foster conversation between fathers and daughters, paving the way for healing and reconciliation. Let's work together to create a shift towards understanding, forgiveness, and connection. Feel free to share this letter with a father you know who is no longer in touch with his daughter, however, he would like to be in contact with one day. Perhaps this letter will give him hope and motivate him to rewrite his story. Also share this letter with a woman who still has negative feelings towards her dad and she is ready to address her abandonment issues and low self-worth. At Peaceful Thoughts Therapy, I offer specialized support through my Healing the Father Wound therapy groups. These 8-week groups are designed for women who have experienced emotional and/or physical abandonment by their fathers. In a safe and supportive environment, we explore the impact of father abandonment, stages of grief, effects on self-esteem and relationships, and ways to manage fear and anxiety. Through connection and shared experiences, we work towards healing and self-empowerment. The cost is $300 and includes materials. Sessions are conducted virtually. If you're ready to begin your healing journey, please call me at (510) 250-3091 or email me at [email protected] to set up an appointment. Let’s start rewriting your story together. ![]() Happy New Year!! I can’t believe 2023 is here. Where has the time gone? The holidays just flew by. I barely had time to blog or post on social media. Besides life stuff, the flu swept through our household. It was nasty too. I was trying to avoid getting sick, while taking care of sick kids. I did pretty good physically. Emotionally I was a wreck! I was stressed, anxious, frustrated, sad, etc. You name it, I felt it. I spent a lot of time watching television and doing puzzles. That is all I had the energy to do, and that is okay. I thought I would write a post about things I learned in 2022. It was an interesting year with a lot of emotions and growth. As a therapist, my job is to help others with their emotions and growth, however, sometimes I forget about me. In 2022, I was forced to take a good look at who I am and the lessons I needed to learn. Take a Break from Social Media Anytime This! Over the years I have had a love/hate relationship with social media. I’m either all in or all out. When I am out, I feel guilty, stressed, discouraged, and not good enough. I had to take a long hard look at this mentality and the way it made me feel. Why was I feeling this way about something I didn’t really have to do? Don’t get me wrong, social media has been great for my business and connecting with friends and family. I had to ask myself “How did people run a business or connect with friends and family before social media?” If you were born prior to 2010, you know the answer. LOL!! We met in-person, emailed or called each other on the phone. We marketed by word of mouth and networked. So why can’t I do that? I learned it is okay to take a break. I can't give my best to my followers and subscribers if I feel terrible. I get to pause, reset and come back feeling better. I have come to terms with not posting when I don't feel good. Not posting is not a reflection of me, it is a reflection of self-love and self-care. Emotions Are Part of Life Yes, I should know this right? I constantly tell this to my clients. Why can’t I take my own advice? I had a lot of emotions in 2022. I felt sad, anxious, angry, frustrated, disappointed, confused, and scared. I tried my go-to coping skills such as journaling, exercise, meditation, and breathwork. Sometimes, none of them worked. So, I just sat there and let the feelings flow through me. Sometimes It would take an hour, or two. Other times, it would be an entire day!! A few times I would go to bed early because the feelings were too much. I learned that emotions and feelings are a part of life. They may be uncomfortable, but I can get through them. Emotions let me know I am human. I feel things and that is a beautiful feeling. Lean on Friends (Really!) That is what friends are for right? Recently, I had a wonderful dinner with friends. I decided to vent that I had not been doing well emotionally. I text these women daily, but never shared how I was feeling. I kept everything to myself. I suffered in silence. Of course they got on me about not telling them what was going on. We all tell each other that we are there for one another. How come we don’t take each other up on the offer? I had to ask myself “was I scared they would judge me or wouldn’t know what to do for me?” It doesn’t really matter. Looking back, it would have been nice to have friends to lean on. Just to listen. I notice that when I am going through something, I lean back instead of lean in. I go inwards instead of reaching out. It makes it worse. I’ve learned I want to lean on my friends during the good times and bad times. Be Patient with My Body I learned my body will cooperate if I am patient. I hired a weight loss coach and lost 15 pounds in 2022. I used to get frustrated with my weight loss journey. I didn’t believe I could lose weight since it had been so long since I had lost weight. Over the past 7 months, I have learned to treat my body with love and respect. I learned to be patient with the journey. When I got frustrated, I learned to get curious instead of judgmental. It paid off!! Find Something I Enjoy and Keep Doing It Puzzles, puzzles, puzzles. I love puzzles. I wasn’t the biggest fan growing up, but over the past year, I have learned to love them. They have been a wonderful coping skill that I use to calm me down. A few days ago I completed my first 1000 piece puzzle. It was so satisfying. In 2023, I will always have a puzzle on my table because it brings me joy and comfort. So what about you? What lessons did you learn in 2022? I’d love to hear from you. Many Blessings, Mpho ![]() I’m back!! I just got back from a 2-week vacation. And yes girl, I needed it. It has been a long 2 ½ years. I can say I truly worked my butt off. I took a few mini vacations here and there, but I was always on. I continued to answer my phone and answer emails while on vacation. I never shut off. Well this time I totally turned off and it was fabulous. A dear colleague was able to cover my caseload for any urgent matters and I was off to Maui for a week! I really enjoyed my time on the island with my family. It was our first time in Hawaii and it was very relaxing. I learned a few new ways to love myself that I want to share with you. Slow Down I really learned to slow down in Maui. I read that Hawaii had a slower pace of life, so I knew ahead of time I would not be able to rush around the island. The slow pace of life became obvious at the airport when I was waiting in line for the rental car. There were 10 people in line ahead of me and it took about 45 minutes to get my vehicle. Then it took about 30 minutes to leave the parking lot. I am not complaining. I was just not used to it. The slow pace continued with driving around the island, waiting in lines, waiting in restaurants and waiting for excursions. I chose not to care. Instead, I chose to be present. Coming from the mainland, and the San Francisco Bay Area, I was used to a fast paced life. This was so different and it felt good. I had time to check in with myself. It gave me time to calm nerves while being in a place I was not used to. Be Patient Self-admittedly I am an impatient person. I want everything NOW!! Being impatient causes me anxiety because I am in a rush and always thinking about the next thing. Thinking about the future produces a lot of anxiety for me. Maui taught me to practice being patient. Even when I wanted traffic to move faster, or the waitress to move quicker, it wasn’t happening. I had to be patient and it felt good. Face Your Fears I sure did!! Ziplining and snorkeling. They were not on my bucket list whatsoever. I was too scared to be floating in the air and too scared I would get attacked by a fish. Living through the pandemic has changed a lot of things for me. The pandemic has taught me to live for today. It has taught me to try new experiences because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. My 12-year-old daughter really wanted to go ziplining. I could have watched her from the sidelines. I decided to reach deep down inside my soul for the courage to sail above the trees and look at the ocean. I’ve overcome so many challenges and struggles in my life. Why couldn’t I face my fear of heights? Why couldn’t I give myself the opportunity to see life from a different perspective? So, I did it! Same with snorkeling. My husband wanted to go. I was more inclined to swim with the fishes because I find them beautiful. I lived for the moment and snorkeled. That experience was also beautiful. Inner Peace Just “being” on vacation instead of “doing” vacation brought me a greater sense of inner peace. I could hear and feel myself breathe. I took a lot more deep breaths. My mind was not racing. My mind was filled with “open space”. It felt like a white board. I started to think of ideas for my business. I did not think “I can’t”. I began to think “I will”. I watched my children play with other children they met while we were there. I watched couples walk along the beach. I talked to my husband for hours at a time. My mind didn’t wander to the list of things I had to do. I was just there. Feeling at peace. Let’s face it. For most of us, vacation happens only once, maybe twice a year. I wish I could go to Maui all the time, but I’m not a millionaire. LOL! However, we can take everything I learned and use it here at home too. We get to drive slower in order to get to where we are going. We just need to leave earlier. We can be patient while we are in line at the grocery store. We can face any fears that are stopping us from living the life we want to live. We can feel at peace by just pausing, taking breaks or even setting up our home to feel more peaceful. Are these tips helpful? Hopefully you can show yourself some love by using them on vacation or at home. Let me know how it goes!! Many Blessings, Mpho Uggh. What a day! Today I spent the day watching my daughters play soccer. I love watching them, but I was not feeling well. I took a nice thermos of coffee with me, but I forgot a bottle of water. Sometimes I forget how important it is to drink water. Today was one of those days. I had a headache, felt anxious, tired, moody and my mouth was really dry. I’m sure I was dehydrated. It was not pleasant at all. So, let’s take a look at some of the physical benefits of drinking water, shall we?
That is a pretty good list if you ask me. Can I have a glass of water please? As you can see from this list, water is great for your physical health. So what about your emotional health? I really wanted to get to the root of why I was feeling really anxious. I am off for a few days and I have nothing to be anxious about right now. I decided I wanted to do a little research on the benefits of drinking water for emotional health. I really wanted to see if there was a correlation between drinking water and mental health. Well…there has not been much research on this topic. I found a few studies that tried to answer this question. Some studies had limitations and others did not seem to have enough participants. Some studies were inclusive. The best study I found was an Iranian study published in 2018 in the World Journal of Psychiatry; Drinking plain water is associated with decreased risk of depression and anxiety in adults: Results from a large cross-sectional study. The study involved 3,327 Iranian adults. They were assessed for their daily water consumption. They were also assessed using a depression and anxiety questionnaire. The evaluators also examined the participants dietary intake, BMI, physical activity, substance use and digestive system. The study found that when water consumption increases, the risk of depression and anxiety decreases. One reason may be that people who consume more water, have healthy behaviors, are physically active and consume greater amounts of nutrients. Nutrients are essential to the synthesis and regulation of neurotransmitters, which send messages to your brain. Neurotransmitters, such as Norepinephrine, are linked to mood regulation. Drinking less water keeps Norepinephrine levels high, which may lead to depression. The evaluators of this study agreed that more studies are needed on this topic. As you can see, water has many benefits.. It may even improve your mental health. As soon as I returned home, I drank 3 glasses of water, and felt so much. My anxiety and headache disappeared. I was in a better mood and was able to concentrate enough to write this blog. So, if you are feeling down and want a pick-me-up, grab yourself a glass of water. If you are feeling anxious and want to calm down, grab a glass of water. Cheers!! Note: Fahimeh Haghighatdoost, Awat Feizi, Ahmad Esmaillzadeh, Nafiseh Rashidi-Pourfard, Ammar Hassanzadeh Keshteli, Hamid Roohafza, Payman Adibi (2018). Drinking plain water is associated with decreased risk of depression and anxiety in adults: Results from a large cross-sectional study. World Journal of Psychiatry. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6147771/ |
AuthorI am a therapist who helps loves motivating women to transform their inner voice of self-doubt and self-criticism into a powerful voice of positive self-talk, self-trust and self-love. I help individuals recognize their inner worth, build their self-esteem and speak their truth. Archives
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