 If you’ve experienced the pain of being abandoned by your father, you are not alone. The pain runs deep. Along with this pain are fears that sometimes feel like they are engraved deep in your soul. Let’s take the time to talk about the three biggest fears that hold so many women back from living the fullest life they deserve. More importantly, I’ll share how to begin to overcome these fears.
Fear #1: The Fear of Not Being Liked Let’s be real, Sis—when a parent abandons you, especially a father, it can make you question your worth. You may feel like you’ve got to bend over backward to keep people around, constantly worrying, “Do they like me?” This can show up as people-pleasing, where you put everyone else’s needs above your own. You might be the friend who always says “yes,” even when you’re exhausted, or the partner who doesn’t set boundaries out of fear of pushing someone away. Ultimately, you just want to be liked. How to Tackle It: Start by reconnecting with what you need. Every time you’re about to say “yes,” take a breath and ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I want to or because I’m afraid they won’t like me if I don’t?” Practice saying “no” in small ways to feel your power without sacrificing your authenticity. Remember, your people will be there for the real you, not just the “yes” version of you. If you really struggle with saying “no”, try saying “let me get back to you.” This gives you a bit of time to practice saying “no”. Fear #2: The Fear of Making Mistakes I hear about this fear in my clients all the time. What if I “get it wrong” or “make a mistake.” Because if you mess up, maybe you’ll be judged or left behind, right? This fear can keep you locked into perfectionism, doubting every choice you make, afraid that one wrong move could prove you’re unworthy. How to Tackle It: Try to embrace mistakes as part of growth. Perfection is overrated and, let’s face it, it’s impossible. If you are perfect, then what? What do you have to strive for if you know everything? Start small: try a new hobby where you’ll likely make mistakes, like learning an instrument or taking up painting. These “imperfect” steps remind you that mistakes won’t hurt you, they are part of your journey. Take the pressure off yourself Sis, you’re human—and that’s more than enough. Fear #3: The Fear of Betrayal Girl, this one can feel heavy. If you’ve been let down before, especially by someone who was supposed to be a rock in your life, it’s hard to trust again. You might find yourself holding back in relationships, or maybe you feel like you always have one foot out the door, just in case. You think, “they can leave me at any time, just like my daddy.” How to Tackle It: Start by building trust with yourself first. Acknowledge the progress you’ve made and the strength it took to get here. Next, is there someone in your life that you do trust? Another relative? A close friend? Why do you trust them? Gradually let safe, supportive people into your world. Open up little by little, sharing your feelings or asking for help when you need it. Remember, healing from betrayal does not happen overnight. It takes time. Take baby steps toward trusting again. Sis, these fears are real, and they’re valid. However, they don’t define you. The journey to overcoming these fears is about self-compassion, patience and learning to love yourself no matter what. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Talk to a therapist, and surround yourself with people who remind you that you are worthy of love, joy, and connection. You’ve got this, Sis. Feel free to join our community by subscribing to our newsletter. Join our FREE 7-day challenge designed specifically for resilient daughters like you. It's time to rewrite your daddy story and shower yourself with the love you deserve!
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 Hey there, Queen!
Let’s chat about something that has been a total game-changer in my life, and I bet it could be for you too. I’m talking about journaling. My Journey: From “Dear Diary” to "Girl Guess What Happened Today!" Sis, let me tell you, I’ve been riding the journaling train since I was just a little 11-year-old girl with big feelings after my father left. It all started with those classic “Dear Diary” moments. But little did I know, those scribbles would become my ticket to healing my relationship with my dad, myself and fulfilling my dreams of marriage, motherhood and entrepreneurship. Why Journaling is the Tea
The Tea on Not Journaling Listen up, Sis!! Not journaling is like leaving your favorite outfit in the closet. What a waste! Without journaling, you might:
How to Get Started
Remember, Sis, you're strong, you're beautiful, and you're worthy of healing. Let's journal our way to a brighter, more confident you! Are you ready to start your journaling journey, but don’t know where to start? I’ve got just the thing for you. Click the button below and check out my Gentle Reflections: A 30 Day Journal for Women with Busy Minds. It’s perfect for Queens like you who are ready to heal, grow and glow.  Hey Queen, let’s talk some real talk. You know the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup"? Well, Sis, I lived that truth this past week, and let me tell you, it hit different. My oldest daughter got sick and suddenly, my world flipped upside down. Sound familiar? I bet it does, especially now, since it’s flu season. Mama Bear jumped into action, putting everything on hold. My exercise routine? Gone. My me-time? What me-time? I was stressed, and drowning in guilt. Can you relate? Always ready to let ourselves go to take care of others.
In the midst of the chaos, I had an epiphany! How can I take care of me. I preach self-love all the time, but when it comes to my kids getting sick, I always put them first. This time, I wanted to find a way to do both. That way, I could really be there for them without being worn down and irritated. I chose to practice some self-love, and let me tell you, it was a game-changer. Here's what went down: 1. Coffee with Hubby in the Morning: Instead of gulping down cold coffee while running around, I actually sat down and enjoyed a hot cup with my man. Revolutionary, I know! 2. Bible App Time: A little spiritual food for the soul. It's amazing how a few minutes of reflection can center you. 3.Reaching Out: I swallowed my pride and texted some friends about how I was feeling. Turns out, I'm not the only one who struggles. Who knew? 4. Netflix and Actually Chill: I gave myself permission to watch that show everyone's been talking about. No guilt, just pure entertainment. FYI, The Perfect Couple is good!! 5. Walk it Off: A quick stroll around the block. Fresh air is free therapy, ladies. 6. Garden Therapy: There's something about getting your hands dirty that just grounds you, you know? My tomato plant is looking better each day. 7. Positive Self-Talk: I looked in the mirror and said, "Girl, you're doing great. It's going to be okay. You're a loving mama, and your baby will get better." And you know what? I believed it And, she got better. Now, I know what you're thinking. "That's nice for you, but I don't have time for all that." I hear you, sis. But here's the thing: taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary. It's like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others on a plane. You can't be the best version of yourself for your loved ones if you're running on empty. So, to all my queens out there who are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, who've been hurt, who are doubting themselves, listen up: You are worthy of love, especially your own. Your past doesn't define your future. Those relationships that left you scarred? They taught you strength. That absent father? He missed out on knowing an incredible woman. It's time to open up that beautiful heart of yours. Start small. Be gentle with yourself. Practice self-compassion. Remember, you can't control everything, but you can control how you treat yourself. You've got this, sweetie. We've got this. Let's make self-love as much a part of our routine as taking care of others. Because you deserve it. You are enough. And don't you forget it!! So what can you do to take care of yourself while taking care of others?  “Something must be wrong with me.”
“I’m just not lovable.” "If I were better, he would have stayed.” Do these thoughts sound familiar? These are the common thoughts of girls who were abandoned by their fathers. These girls grow into women. The thoughts are still there. Now, the thoughts are about the partners and friends who have abandoned them. Girl, let me just tell you, these thoughts are LIES. Your father’s choice to leave had everything to do with him, and nothing to do with you or your worth. Along with these thoughts come a rollercoaster of emotions:
I get it. Your self-esteem also took a hit, and that is understandable. But Girl, it’s time to rebuild.
Healing isn’t linear and that’s okay. Some days will be tougher than others. Remember that you are resilient, strong and worthy of love, especially your own. Your father’s absence created a void that can only be filled by self-love, supportive relationships and personal growth. You have the power to rewrite your story, with or without your father in your life. If you are struggling with the pain of abandonment, know that therapy is a phone call or email away. Let's start this healing journey together. I have therapy spots available and I'd be honored to support you. It's never too late to start loving you, no matter who has left you. Reach out to 510-250-3091 or [email protected].  Hey Sis! It’s been a whirlwind two weeks! I’m a huge Olympics fan! I’m bummed it is over. Now what am I going to do for the next four years?
During the Olympics we saw some incredible highs and heartbreaking lows. From my girls Sha’Carri Richardson and Simone Biles slaying their comebacks, to Jordan Chiles losing her medal over a missed deadline, and the men's 4x100 baton mishap – it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. These moments of success and disappointment are not just for elite athletes.You face your own Olympics on a daily basis. You bombed a job interview or presentation, failed a college exam, or a relationship setback, can be disappointing. How do you bounce back from something you put your blood, sweat and tears into? Here are 5 tips to help you move past disappointment and rediscover your inner Queen. Girl, Feel Your Feelings It’s okay to be upset, angry, or sad. You didn't get your promotion, allow yourself to feel your emotions. Cry your heart out. You know that snotty cry? Yes, that one. Try listening to some music. I have both “angry” and “sad” playlists on Spotify. When I'm pissed, I put on the angry playlist and punch my pillow. Let your feelings out. Keeping them in won’t help you in the long-term. Sis, Let’s Reframe Your Story Now that you let out your feelings, what are you telling yourself? “I’m a failure”, “I suck at this”, or “I’m never gonna find love”. How about “I’m learning.” “I get to work on areas of growth”, or “I will date so I can find the best relationship for me.” What lessons can you learn from your experiences? Self-Care Is Not Selfish Yes, honey, you heard me. Self-care is not selfish and don’t let anyone tell you it is. You saw how our girl Simone Biles tapped out of the 2020 Olympics to take care of your mental health. Why can’t you take care of yourself for an hour, a day, or a week in order to take care of your mental health? Whatever you need to do to get back on track, get it done. A bubble bath, reading a book by the beach or at the park, a solo trip or therapy. Figure out how to refill your cup. Set Some New Goals Sis Maybe your dating profile needs a revamp. Maybe it’s time to hire a career coach instead of sitting on LinkedIn waiting for recruiters to find you. Maybe practice your presentation skills in front of the mirror or a friend instead of winging it. Sis, don’t give up, just pivot. Find Your Sister Circle Your cheerleaders. You biggest fans. Just like Olympians have their coaches and teammates, you need your support system. Reach out to your ride-or-dies when self-doubt starts to creep in. Sometimes we need someone else to hold up the mirror so we can see our beautiful reflection to show us our true reflection. Girl, you got this. Disappointment is a part of life. You’ve got the strength, resilience and fire within you to overcome any obstacle. If Sha’Carri and Simone can bounce back, so can you. I pray Jordan has a sister circle surrounding her so she can bounce back too. If you're finding it hard to bounce back from disappointment, remember you don't have to go it alone. If you need someone to talk to, to help you cope with your emotions, set new goals, and learning to practice self-care, I've got you. I have therapy slots available, and I'd be honored to support you. Reach out to me at 510-250-3091 or [email protected]. |
AuthorI am a therapist who helps loves motivating women to transform their inner voice of self-doubt and self-criticism into a powerful voice of positive self-talk, self-trust and self-love. I help individuals recognize their inner worth, build their self-esteem and speak their truth. Archives
May 2025
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