Happy APril! My birthday, my brand, my father, my story

Happy April!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! Can you tell I am excited? You wanna know why?  It’s my birthday!! I am actually writing this blog on my birthday. I always go big on my birthday because it’s a day that is all about me. I did the usual shopping spree, day at the spa, dinner with family, hotel stay and champagne toast, however my favorite part of my birthday celebration was the bike ride. I was able to enjoy the present.  I took in the lovely sites. The trees, flowers, birds chirping, and everyone else around me enjoying their Sunday. I was so present, I noticed a butterfly land on the handlebars of my bike. It felt like God was saying, “I got you! Happy Birthday!”

During the bike ride I got excited about thinking about the birth of my brand new baby. No, not that kind of baby! Two kids is enough!  My new baby is my website and brand! Do you like it? I love it! With a little help from Samara Stone and Keisha Kells at www.bebrandconfident.com, I created a website and brand that really speaks to my heart. I love working with women dealing with self-esteem issues, however, over the past year, I’ve wanted to go a little deeper. I wanted to focus on women who were having issues with self-esteem and relationships. I wanted to help them see how these issues are connected to their relationship with their father. In other words, I wanted to work with women with daddy issues.

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You may be asking “why would I want to focus on women with daddy issues?” and “what makes you an expert?” Sure, my education and training helps. However, I’ve been there right where you are. Yep, I said it. I had my own daddy issues. I can totally relate.

I remember it like it was yesterday. My father left our family when I was 11 years old.  He left a few days before Thanksgiving and we were blindsided. When my dad left, so did the financial, physical and emotional support. By the grace of God, my mom pressed on. She pulled up her boot straps and told us life doesn’t stop, so we need to keep going. My brother and I continued on going to school and my mom went back to school in order to get a better paying job.  Times were tough, and I had to grow up pretty quickly. My dad made sporadic visits, however, there were many no-shows. There were many missed holidays, birthdays, 1st days of school and graduations. When I was 18 years old, he disappeared and I didn’t hear from him for 14 years. I started college and began looking for men to fill that void. I remained in relationships that were not good for me due to my low self-esteem. 

So I get it and I empathize with the women like you that come into my office and cry on my couch after a relationship ends or dating just isn’t working out. I help women like you become aware that break-ups trigger the same emotions that came up when their daddy left.  When you are in a relationship, you are constantly worried and fear that the person may leave you. You may feel sadness, rejection, shame, anger, disappointment, loneliness, mistrust, anxiety and depression, on a daily basis. Feeling not good enough, unworthy, unlovable and disposable is an everyday occurrence. 

I get you!! I’ve been there. After awhile I wanted a change. I didn’t like feeling unworthy, unloveable and disposable anymore. I was tired of being fearful and angry. I wanted to meet the right man who respected me. Most of all, I wanted to respect and love myself. Celebrating my birthday was a start. When I turned 21, I decided to throw myself a birthday party. I was tired of feeling lonely and waiting for my dad to come celebrate my birthday with me. I took my birthday into my own hands as a way to start my healing journey.  That’s why my birthday is so meaningful to me. Therapy, self-reflection, self-love, journaling, supportive family and friends, a conversation with my father, and every Mary J. Blige CD, also helped me on my journey to healing. This August, I will be married 10 years to a good man who loves and respects me.

As for my dad, he is back in my life. Do we talk everyday and see each all the time? Nawww. I’m okay with it. I’ve forgiven him and love him and accept him for who he is. What matters more is I am loveable, worthy, and good enough, no matter who is in my life. Healing can happen, when you are ready for it.

How are you going to take your healing journey into your own hands? Are you ready to take a look at how your relationship with your father or lack thereof, affects the way you see other relationships? Are you ready to trade in feelings of sadness, shame, loneliness, rejection, unworthiness, desperation, and not feeling good enough, in for feelings of joy, pride, hope, acceptance, good enough, peace and confidence?  It’s time girl!!
Feel free to give me a call at (510) 250 - 3091 or send me an email at 
[email protected]. I am here for you. I get it.

Subscribe to my email list too. It keeps you apprised of future workshops, support groups and a digital product soon to be released that will help you with healing your daddy issues.
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