3 Common Fears for Women with Absent Fathers —and How to Rise above them

If you’ve experienced the pain of being abandoned by your father, you are not alone. The pain runs deep. Along with this pain are fears that sometimes feel like they are engraved deep in your soul. Let’s take the time to talk about the three biggest fears that hold so many women back from living the fullest life they deserve. More importantly, I’ll share how to begin to overcome these fears. 

Fear #1: The Fear of Not Being Liked

Let’s be real, Sis—when a parent abandons you, especially a father, it can make you question your worth. You may feel like you’ve got to bend over backward to keep people around, constantly worrying, “Do they like me?” This can show up as people-pleasing, where you put everyone else’s needs above your own. You might be the friend who always says “yes,” even when you’re exhausted, or the partner who doesn’t set boundaries out of fear of pushing someone away. Ultimately, you just want to be liked. 

How to Tackle It:
Start by reconnecting with what you need. Every time you’re about to say “yes,” take a breath and ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I want to or because I’m afraid they won’t like me if I don’t?” Practice saying “no” in small ways to feel your power without sacrificing your authenticity. Remember, your people will be there for the real you, not just the “yes” version of you. If you really struggle with saying “no”, try saying “let me get back to you.” This gives you a bit of time to practice saying “no”. 

Fear #2: The Fear of Making Mistakes

I hear about this fear in my clients all the time. What if I “get it wrong” or “make a mistake.” Because if you mess up, maybe you’ll be judged or left behind, right? This fear can keep you locked into perfectionism, doubting every choice you make, afraid that one wrong move could prove you’re unworthy.

How to Tackle It:
Try to embrace mistakes as part of growth. Perfection is overrated and, let’s face it, it’s impossible. If you are perfect, then what? What do you have to strive for if you know everything? Start small: try a new hobby where you’ll likely make mistakes, like learning an instrument or taking up painting. These “imperfect” steps remind you that mistakes won’t hurt you, they are part of your journey. Take the pressure off yourself Sis, you’re human—and that’s more than enough.

Fear #3: The Fear of Betrayal

Girl, this one can feel heavy. If you’ve been let down before, especially by someone who was supposed to be a rock in your life, it’s hard to trust again. You might find yourself holding back in relationships, or maybe you feel like you always have one foot out the door, just in case. You think, “they can leave me at any time, just like my daddy.” 

How to Tackle It:
Start by building trust with yourself first. Acknowledge the progress you’ve made and the strength it took to get here. Next, is there someone in your life that you do trust? Another relative? A close friend? Why do you trust them? Gradually let safe, supportive people into your world. Open up little by little, sharing your feelings or asking for help when you need it. Remember, healing from betrayal does not happen overnight. It takes time. Take baby steps toward trusting again. 

Sis, these fears are real, and they’re valid. However, they don’t define you. The journey to overcoming these fears is about self-compassion, patience and learning to love yourself no matter what. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Talk to a therapist, and surround yourself with people who remind you that you are worthy of love, joy, and connection. You’ve got this, Sis.

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